It’s a “standing room only” kinda day and for some reason, I haven’t been bothered by it.
I did nothing, absolutely nothing at work today.
Tried to give myself menial pet projets to pass the time, but I kept completing them in 5 minutes or less. Dulls the mind to do nothing hour after hour.
I’m torn about where to proceed. I get calls/emails from potential employers everday but I have not called them back as of yet because I can be easily swayed into a more productive position at this point.
I’ve decided to perhaps seek therapy as it’s aparent that my mind is slipping again. I’m discontent, bored and any hobby I attempt to turn to ends up making me broke.
I know I need fixing. I just have to find the strength to explain my life story again to a complete stranger. And when I say some of this shit out loud, it freaks me out. They take cues from their freudian concepts...usually end up harping on me about how my dad pretended I wasn’t alive for 20 years and think that’s why I’m a mess.
I find it funny that these pysch docs love pushing the blame off on someone else. I know I’m a mess. Help me to solve the problem, don’t discuss historical facts that I cannot change.
Seems all was well up until a month or two ago when I started this commute. It’s given me too much to think about. Like where I wanna be in 5 years. So far, the paths I’ve taken continuously contradicted anything I ever wanted or believed in. and it’s not an issue of my need/wants/desires changing with age. It’s just where I’ve placed myslef, I guess. In order to be “normal” and “successful” to who? I don’t know. It’s a strange question that probably has a fucked up answer.
